Stupid Vaccine War

This whole vaccination debate in the news and all over the internet is driving me absolutely insane, but one big thing I'm noticing is the absolute, irrational HATRED for the respective sides. What happened to live and let live? Oh, I know what the pro side says, "Because HERD IMMUNITY." "Because SCIENCE."

So, let me present something to both sides. I don't know (nor do I care) which side you fall on. I don't. I used to, and that didn't really get me far, except a desperate need for chill pills. I HAVE learned something from my days as a foamy-mouthed opinionated mama bear though: being a jerk will get you nowhere fast. If you expect to be taken seriously, remaining calm, and maybe a dab of compassion and desire for understanding, taking a real interest in the other person, will do far better. You still probably won't win that person to your side, if they have cemented their feet in their cause, but at least you'll walk away from it with your dignity and pride intact.

Back during my rabid bear days, I got in keyboard warrior battles over how right I was (still believe I am, but that's besides my point today). I could belittle with the best of them. I had joined enough support/information groups for my cause that we circulated the information the other side was so fond of and worked together to debunk it, shut it down, find information to smack it to the ground. (I'm still part of those groups too, but I've most definitely learned a more effective way to use the information I glean.) I was nasty and combative, so horrible things were said about me and mine too. Fight fire with fire, you know? All that conjured was a nasty blaze of immaturity. Nothing of worth was flying back and forth from behind our snow forts of opinion.

And then.....my AHA moment. I was approached by a dear friend about an issue that was not forefront on my mind, but was on hers. She private messaged me and asked why I felt the way I did. I laughed and told her that it was a story I doubt she'd care about. She didn't care. She wanted to understand my POV. And so I told her my story. I was somewhat defensive, but I tried to keep my tude down because she'd obviously not approached me with any tude. She listened with silence until the end, and then said, "I see. Well, I still don't agree with you, and I still hope you choose not to, but I understand why you feel you must." And that was it. She left it. I didn't know what to make of that, holy cow! No threats of being an awful mom, no anger of having a different opinion! I kept my opinion at that point, but the tops of my walls against the other side started crumbling. A little crack here, a chip there. And then...and then. Months later. ANOTHER dear friend, also known as a gentle friend, approached me under friendly terms, and with a total, blindsiding, "Hey, did you know..." sort of comment, took a wrecking ball to my walls. Big bada boom. She presented me with facts and fielded my initially defensive questions with calm, kind, compassionate information. We had a long conversation that day, and by the end of it....MY MIND HAD CHANGED. At no point did she offer insults, criticism or judgement. Simple facts, an offer of understanding, and true desire to simply answer questions I had. Now, I side with her, and the original dear friend, on that stance. I haven't persuaded my husband yet, but through my effort to approach him the way I was approached, he's at least opened up to the idea of researching it all.

I say all this to ALL of you vaccine debaters. Pro people...telling these parents that they're killing your kids because they refuse to vaccinate their own is NOT going to get you anywhere. Most people (I emphasize most, because there's always an exception to the bulk) that don't vaccinate will not fall for that argument for a variety of reasons, and if you ask them kindly, you may be surprised at why. No, you don't know it all. Accusing them of following Wakefield and Jenny McCarthy will also not get you anywhere because most non-vaxing parents don't care about either of those people either. Your best bet is to EDUCATE yourself on why non-vaxing parents refuse, what their reasons are. You make yourself look like a bleating sheep when you chant the usually-false reasons. Jenny, Wakefield, autism, hippy....try again. Non-vaxers are STILL doing what they feel is best for their child, regardless of your chants of SCIENCE or HERD IMMUNITY. They are not community minded because the community is never going to do for their child what they are willing to do. Everyone for themselves.

Anti-vax people...I get it. You're frustrated from being accused by the same old, same old. And that's just what it is, old. If there's an argument or accusation out there against your stance, you've heard it before. But reacting with venom is not going to get you anywhere either. Rise above. Each side of this debate has an element of fear in it, and fear is a powerful driver. It can overwhelm. Pro-vaxers are scared you're going to hurt their babies by bringing back awful diseases. You can related to the fear for your children's safety, can't you, even if you believe it's a different danger? Realize that they are scared for their kids. Whether they've done the scientific research to come to their conclusion or they're just listening to their doctor, above all, they are doing what they feel best for their child, and don't understand why you don't find the same results they do. If they get mean, walk away. If they're open to an educated discussion, keep your head straight and on your shoulders.

Stop the hate wars. This is all stupid, and while you may win someone to your side at the time, chances are the other side is winning someone to their side somewhere else. At this rate, the war won't end until the world does, or some massive truth comes forward.