A Temporary Chapter

If you've been following any of my updates, you know that we moved home in October and are currently living in a camper until our house is built and livable, hopefully by July. Our camper is an adorable little place, but it is small, which means less storage for the mama that loves storage and crap all over the place, less play space for a toddler...and less child-proofing, simply because there are only so many places to stash tempting things from the curious toddler. J's most troublesome time is in the morning, when I'm still dragging myself from the depths of sleep and he's bored silly. For the past I-don't-know-how-long, I've awoken every morning to some new lovely mess. It's gotten to the point of being hilarious now, in a very sad way, and I think I'm going to make a thing out of it. So, ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you: The Amazing, Messy Adventures of Camper Boy.

Every week I will post pictures of J's new messes that I come out to, and explain how these things get there. I will take pictures of Camper Boy in all his wide-eyed, deer-in-the-headlights glory of pseudo-innocence. And maybe, throughout the day, other pictures will be taken of a standard day for Camper Boy. Oh fun. For now, here's an intro to Camper Boy's days.

After the inevitable disaster clean up, we fold up all his blankets, put them in a specific spot under the bench by the door, pull a few toys out, and make up the benches for my somewhat-sectional. I put a movie on for him, get him some breakfast and juice, and let him watch. The movie varies but usually it's either Cars, Toy Story or one of his Preschool Prep videos. Frozen has scratches from being watched so often so I tend to avoid that one. If it's an at home day, that's basically it. Climbing about, playing with cars, movies. It's too cold to play outdoors yet, and if it warms up it's crazy muddy, so I'm impatiently waiting for a warmer, dryer time to convince Husband to buy a playground thing so J can play outside. He does so much better if he can get energy out. About noon or later he has lunch, and then it's naptime. Hallelujah, Mommy gets a break. After nap is likely another movie, followed by dinner and horseplay with Daddy, and then bed. Errands are our salvation because they get us out of the house, doing something. Naturally, such boring days lead to...antics. Which is where his messy adventures come in. And most of the time, while they stress me out, they are picture worthy, and should be saved for future date blackmail....I mean, for memories.

Cars. Always. Or Toy Story. I hear the word "Woody" waaaaaaaaaaay too often.

When he knows you're taking a picture, he walks really close and says, "CHEEEEEESE."

So there you have it, a preview of the joys and delights known as J, who will be Camper Boy when he's up to something. Tomorrow morning, I'll take a pic of whatever mess he comes up with. 

Family Update

I've been sucking at this Blog Tuesday, ya'll, and I'll tell you why. Tuesday is Husband's first school day of the week, which means this mama gets in the sweats and parks it on the couch. I was SOOOOOOOO lazy today. But, let's continue with an update.

Husband is in school, with what is considered full-time credit hours, for a major called agricultural production and management. It's obviously useful for what he's about to do, so it makes sense that he would do this, but right now he's working on his pre-requisites, so his classes are speech, communication (he thinks these might as well be the same class, because they overlap so well), national government and psychology. He's got no interest in any of them, but they're still managing to stress him out because he's not one to slack off on something whether he cares about it or not.

J is in the beginning stages of potty-training....again. We had slacked off on it because it was cold and I hesitated so much to let him run around in just skivvies, socks and a shirt, that I let it go and just put him back in diapers. But now there's a new development coming to our family that mandates this child be potty-trained.

G is back with her dad after having spent Christmas with us. She scored big this Christmas, and is now in the midst of doing well in school and selling Girl Scout cookies, and looking forward to some big family changes.

We're having another baby! This little angel is due in early July. The timing is odd, but we'll make do with it all. The house building is obviously more imperative than ever, and since we already have house plans, we're ready to go when it stops freezing. We've already staked and twined the rough layout of our bottom floor, and figured out where we want to put most of the outside stuff. Now it's just a matter of...doing. We may be spending a couple weeks in the camper with the new baby, but really, that's tolerable. He/She will still be super tiny.

I really need to get back into my normal rhythm of blogging, along with everything else I know needs to be done for the good of my family. The pregnancy has put a serious crimp in my mood, routine and motivation. But I'll get there.

The Other Half

Rarely, if ever, do I fit in the same thought stream as most of society. Obviously, someone, somewhere, is bound to have similar opinions as me, even if it's hit or miss. Anyways, today I've been pondering about something that mainstream society doesn't generally approve of or promote, something I can't get off my mind, and I'd like to share it. I'm also well aware that most people aren't going to read this.

I love my mom. My dad. My son, my daughter. I love them dearly. There is one thing these 4 people have in common with me, and that is that they were given to me. God gave me my beloved parents. He gave me my children. But my husband....God put us in each others' path, and he knew what my decision would be, but in the end, He did give us free will, and I DID choose him.

He's goofy. He's very tall. Sometimes he's a butthead. But he's MY tall, goofy butthead. Let me tell you about my best friend.

Husband is younger than me, by a year and 8 months. He gets really irritated when I call myself a cradle robber though. He's got a sarcastic sense of humor. He likes Rush, but his taste in music, while not exactly a "wide " variety, includes the music of many bands, so much so that he had to get a bigger iPod just to fit it all. He's a drummer; he's been drumming in some way, shape or form since he was 4. He's been in several bands, but quit earlier in the same year that he joined the Army. He joined the Army to help. He's very much like his dad; they have similar interests and behaviors, but then there are times when he's the polar opposite of either of his parents. He's kid #3 of 4, and the tallest of everyone in his immediate family. Fiercely protective of those he loves, but he also wants us all to be able to take care of ourselves. He is very fond of a simplistic, rustic, and maybe at times antiquated way of life. He hates social media, He's what you'd call the opposite of a conspiracy theorist. He's more likely to believe that nothing is going to happen, than that anything could. He's the picture of hard work and self-reliance. When you look up "building a house by myself" it gives you advice to call contractors, and that frustrates him because he ACTUALLY wants to be the one building it himself. He loves his kiddos; he's the one that gets down on the floor to play with them, tease them, wrestle with them. His favorite color is orange.

This is the man I chose. The one that listened with compassion as I told him my worst fears, things that made me cry, things that interested me. This is the man that listened last night when I told him I was scared, and hugged me until I calmed down, that let me cry on his chest even though it makes him uncomfortable. This is the man that God dropped on my lap, and that I chose to keep. 

On one of our few date nights. We rode the bike up the mountain and watched the sun go down.

Shortly after another date, before we were married. The only reason I'm that close in height is because he was sitting on a bike and I stood next to him...

Holding a newborn J in the hospital.

Halloween night, 2012, he sat and talked to a still-new J.

He played a game and J sat with him, watching.

Our very first family walk up the canyon. It was my victory, and he was super proud of me. J was grumpy.

Reading one of G's favorite books to her at bedtime.

G loves giving him hugs. She was 4 here.

Here's the controversial part. I believe, biblically, that God instructs women to put their husbands above their children. I mean, by all means, don't neglect the kids because Hubby wants a sammich, because that's just plain ridiculous, but the man is meant to be the head of the household, he's meant to be the spiritual leader of the family, and while a Godly, responsible man will most definitely take what his wife says into account, and for the good of his family, he is the one responsible for making the decisions. We are a traditional family. It has always been our intent that I be the one to stay home and care for our children and home, I do the cooking and the cleaning, and he earns the money that our family needs to keep going. We've made it work this way since summer of 2011, and we were married in early spring 2011. We've made sacrifices, we have scrimped and saved, and been budget smart, and we have not come across a crisis that demanded I get a job yet. We have paid for court battles, new vehicles, new gadgets. Under his direction, I have learned my way through basic car care, anger management, cooking...he's taught me so much, he's learned from me too. 

Someday my kids will grow. They will leave, and they will form families of their own. And when all my kids move out and onto their own lives, I will wake up, and the only other person in my home will be him. God gave me my children, but He will guide them onto their own lives. My future is him, and I chose that future. 

The Nature of a Farm

For several years now, I've looked forward to getting my farm life started. We'd decided we were going to be farmers, we started planning...I'd made my decision and I wanted to start living it. Nevermind that I'd never lived on a farm before, that my max amount of plant experience was helping in a garden or flowers in a tiny pot that I forgot about. Nevermind that I really had no practice with animals (although I wasn't so un-knowledgeable that I didn't know where beef, steak, pork, bacon, ham, eggs and chicken come from....I know there's no magic "Meat Conjurer" machine in the back of every grocery store). I wanted my farm life. I had this image in my head of a quaint farm in the middle of a prairie, and me washing and hanging clothes to dry, as I stare out onto the prairie, with my munchkins running about catching bugs and digging in the dirt....yeah, no. When you move to the farm at the end of October, that's not what happens.

We came home to bizarre weather. I took over the chicken chores in the evening, which includes feeding the dogs (dog now; the older dog went over the rainbow bridge earlier this week and all that's left is our demon dog, Apollo), collecting and then sorting the eggs. Husband is now cutting wood and hunting for small game to relieve the grocery bill. A daily chore of emptying the "water" is not out of the ordinary. We now live 16 miles from the nearest decent sized town, so running to the store "real quick" isn't possible. But you know what? I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

I love this camper. I love my itty bitty bed that my warm son still fits in with us. I love my itty bitty fridge that forces us to be prudent about what we're shoving in there. I love my couch that triples as our dining room and J's bed. I love my makeshift spice rack. I love my coffee cabinet. I love my tiny closet and my tiny bathroom. It's not what I dreamt of, but that's okay. I'm learning to love my current stage, and keep dreaming for the future. And that's the nature of a farm. It doesn't always go with your plans, so you have to learn to roll with the punches, be creative and keep your chin up.

 Apollo sniffing around our eventual driveway, last year.

Me on a tractor, a couple years ago. I just recently drove one again.

Self-Motivation

I've noticed that out here in the boonies, without a schedule to make demands on our time, without accountability for certain actions...it takes your own decision, own self-driven accountability to do certain things. Today is Sunday. In most circumstances our family would be at church. But we are aware of what most of the churches around here are like. Not that they're bad, per se, but because of the nature of the area, most are far more traditional than we are okay with. There's nothing wrong with traditional, but we are just more casual than would be okay in a traditional church. And thanks to the blessings of the internet, our church in TX has podcasts of sermons, going all the way back to before we were regular attenders. But this is important to me, that we have some sort of spiritual nourishment. And so here we sit, listening to the sermon that convinced us that our church in TX was the church for us. And what timing; a sermon on worry. We remember listening to this sermon all those years ago; we knew God was speaking to us because at the time, we were worried about court over G. In later years, Husband and I both were involved in the worship team. We made friends in that church that we still have. That church brought us through some of the toughest moments in our life. They watched J grow up, because he was born shortly after we started attending regularly. They gave us a baby shower and even a farewell party. Without that church, and people to ask after us, ask why we're not there, it can be very hard to make oneself devote to something like that. "I must do this, not because someone else is expecting me to do this, but because it's good for me, because God desires this of me, and because He demanded it of me." Will someone confront me for not spending time with Him every week? It's possible, of course, but in the end, it's not those people that say something to me that are suffering if I don't. It's me. God doesn't need me. But I need Him, and so for my sake it's important that I take time out of every DAY for Him.

Spiritual needs are easier, physically, to neglect than chores, or personal needs. If I don't clean the camper, Husband will eventually be exasperated and get after me to clean it. J won't have room to play. If I don't cook, how does my family eat? But if I don't sit and spend time with God, Husband doesn't necessarily suffer for that, not immediately. Over time, if I don't exhibit the fruit of the Spirit, my son will suffer, my husband will suffer. Everyone who has to deal with me will suffer. It is the grace and mercy of God that makes me bearable to deal with, and trust me, there's a LOT of work to be done.

Closing One Chapter, Starting Another

When I first started this blog, my goal was to "journal," so to speak, about my adventures as a homesteading woman...and the time has arrived. A week ago we were on the road from Husband's base in TX to our final destination in IL. The Army chapter has ended, although it's a bit surreal for us right now. Husband is going crazy because his hair is too long (insert eyeroll here, because it's still ridiculously short) and he is growing a beard, although that part is on purpose. We purchased a camper back in the summer, to give us a space of our own, and while we still don't have everything we need, it actually feels like home. It's TINY. I'll post some pictures and give you a tour. (I only slightly cleaned up for you to see it, promise.)

This is the view from the foot of the bed, so obviously, our bed. We each get a night stand, and 2 walls are lined with cupboards to put things in. 

 Here's the view from the side (so in the last pic I was standing by the ugly blinds on the left), so you can see more cupboards, laundry hamper, and the shelf we put the computer on so we can watch movies.

 These are our closets, for lack of a better term. We each have one. On the right side is my oil cabinet, and on the left, that white inset thing is my fridge and freezer.

 Our itty bitty bathroom. Husband can't stand up straight in the shower. 

 There's that fridge again, along with our TV and tech set up, and the front door we use the most (there's another in the "bedroom.")

 The occursed Asian beetles that NEVER leave us alone.

 The dining set up, with the table down. If we're not eating I fold the table legs and prop it against the window on the left, there, and it's like we have an odd sectional. Otherwise the table props between the benches, and the cushions get rearranged to make J's bed. It's very cozy for a toddler.

My kitchen layout. I have a gas range, a microwave that doubles as an oven (no, really!) and on the right side of the sink is the hot water switch. We leave it off if I'm not doing dishes and no one is showering, and because J likes buttons and switches, we have to pull the fuse too.

It's small. Honestly, had things not taken the turn they did in court, we wouldn't have this place, because there's no way it would work to have G in here, but they did, and we mostly make it work with J in it. He's small and has a ton of room on his "bed."

We're learning how to juggle our time when it comes to cooking, we're learning how to come up with an efficient schedule and routine for bedtime, although naptime may become a dream of the past as we can't isolate J enough for him to be destimulated. We are needing to be prudent about the heat, since that sucks up propane, and we want to be prudent with electricity and water, so combat showers, as Husband calls them, and lights off will be a very important thing to us.

We have a local bank account now. But we're still trying to convince ourselves that when his "leave" is over, we won't be heading back to TX. Still, we've jokingly been calling ourselves "homeowners." I still have no plates or cups, I have all of 2 mugs in here because Husband retrieved some for me this morning when I realized we had no way to drink the coffee I was brewing so excitedly, but I have the TV and Xbox set up and running, I have the popcorn popper, the toaster, and all the pots and pans I pans I plan to use this year....but I just now found the plates and a couple glasses for Husband and I. My "spice rack" needs to be hung, but you better believe my oils cabinet is up and loaded. J doesn't have all his clothes but my coffee cabinet is loaded and ready for use. Ah, the prioritizing. JUST KIDDING. J's clothes are maybe 100 yards away, about half of them. The other half are in the cabinets above my side of the bed.

Husband has been tinkering and going on jobs and trips with his dad, getting ready to get into the farming lifestyle. There's still some homemaking to be done, but he asked for a week, and except for the part where he keeps running away to do other things, he's been using it. Stay tuned for more adventures!

And Now, A Word from Both Mommies...

Amy: Every mother's worst nightmare is, of course, something happening to their baby...but that only precedes being replaced. If I were to die, I would want Husband to eventually move on, to find someone that would love our son as I do, and would be willing to make sure that J learns about his mom, that he has access to pictures, that his daddy tells him why he loved me, why he married me, how J resembles me. Even before I had kids I would have wanted something like that. But I never imagined feeling replaced when I was still alive. And so when my relationship with X came to a bitter, horrible death, it wasn't a hope, but a fear. Things were....tense, and in the heat of the moment, once, X even TOLD me he was trying to replace me with M2, because I was a terrible mom. Talk about a great way to put a damper on the relationship. 

After years of tension, turmoil, and drama, things were miserable. We were all suspicious, stressed, and it was way too easy for a mountain to be made out of a molehill. In fact, that happened rather often. We've since boiled it down to a severe case of miscommunication, or lack of communication in some cases, and have changed our tunes. It hasn't been easy though, and for most birth moms, it can be a lifelong battle. If you are a biological mom, having to deal with the "other mom" in your kids life, here are some things you should consider.

1) No one can replace you. Unless you are a mean, abusive person, you are Mommy, and if you treat your kids right, they won't forget that. M2 entered G's life when she was about a year and a half old, but there has been no time when M2 has tried to replace me herself, and when I finally stopped wearing my butt as a hat, we were able to communicate our discomfort and preferences in civility, and therefore establish the respect that should have been there from the beginning. M2 is not referred to as Mommy, as per my comfort level and her respect for that. G calls her by her first name. She's asked but as far as I can tell she's never actually done it. Likewise, G has asked to call Husband "Daddy" but she doesn't, and Husband has, before, insisted that G stick to his first name since she has a daddy already. Like I said, unless you are mean and abusive, you are Mommy. Pure and simple. M2 can tell you a story about that if she so chooses.

2) Mutual respect and communication are vital to survive any sort of co-parenting effort, and they are vital to the benefit of the shared child. G sensed, and fed off of, the chaos that we all lived in for years. She had a few behavioral problems and eventually learned how to get perks from our constant state of disagreement. When M2 and I finally learned to work together to stop her taking advantage, she acted up a bit, but then settled down when she realized that we were on the same team and weren't going to let her get away with anything anymore. Even now, when there's an issue, whether it be her attitude or something she's doing at school, or us just needing her to know that what she's doing won't be acceptable anywhere she goes, we simply let each other know and it's addressed. There have been times where she's had issues there and M2 asked me to say something to her, and so things got better for a bit when "Mommy knew." Furthermore, we have learned not to hold issues in, let them fester, and then explode out in a moment of tension and disagreement. When something comes up, we address it, talk out intentions, feelings, and resolutions. In the last year since custody was determined, we have come a long way.

3) It's gonna get awkward. Talk it out and laugh it away. This past weekend I went to X and M2's state to surprise G for her birthday party. It was a BLAST planning it with M2, but the time required me to spend most of a day with X, which was awkward, and a decent bit of his family and friends that I haven't seen since before we broke up. Talk about nerve-wracking. I left Husband and J at home, because J causes chaos wherever he goes and that seemed like a disaster in the making, not to mention Husband is not to the peace point that M2 and I are, and so that seemed like more drama waiting to be had. It was a wonderful weekend, and I'm glad I went...but yes, it got awkward, and yes, M2 and I laughed some away, and hashed some out once I got home. The more you talk to someone with the mindset that no matter what happens, you are going to control your attitude and behavior, the better things will get.

4) Forgive. Whether it started out bad and got worse, or just a few things happen, you will not do your child or yourself any favors by holding grudges. Jesus calls for us to forgive over and over again, and as I've gotten older and have had a lot of experience in needing to forgive, I've come to the conclusion that it may or may not make the person you're forgiving feel better...but it will definitely help YOU feel better, and it makes you act more like a calm, compassionate person. That person you become when you forgive can only be a good thing for your child to see. God forgave me much worse transgressions. Nothing X or M2 has done to me can be anywhere as awful as how I've hurt God, but He forgave me. I've said some awful things to people I love, and have been forgiven. Forgive. It helps, I promise, even if all you want to do is hold a grudge forever and make them pay for it. 

5) Learn when and how to say something, and when to keep quiet. There's not a lot we have to keep quiet about anymore, but we had to work to get to this point, and even then, it's not like I want to blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind, because sometimes my mind is a jerk. Honey attracts more bees than vinegar, my friends. And like the last one, if the other person hasn't learned when and how to be quiet or when and how to say something, forgive, and give some leeway. 

Now, you may be a stepmom, and not a biological mom. Lucky for you, because this blog, and it's accompaniment, was M2's idea, and so she's writing the half for stepmoms. And so, I present to you, M2. :)

M2: This past weekend got me thinking. It was nice to finally be at this point in our relationship where we are able to be around each other for more than 10 minutes and be friendly. I mean, actually friendly. Not that fake nice, where everyone knows it’s fake. I hugged M1 when she arrived & when she left. I think I’ve only ever hugged her 1 other time. I look back at my time hop & think “man we’ve come so far.” When I entered this life, things were already on the bad side. Co-parenting was non-existent. Communication was non-existent. I wanted to help pull things together so bad. I’m a child of divorce. My bm is a complete idiot & my step-mom is an amazing lady. I saw the fighting & saw what it did to kids. I didn’t want that for G. I know what it’s like to want your mom so bad it hurts but nothing you do changing her being there. I didn’t want that for G either.

There was a time of jealousy on both of our parts. The emotions got the better of us. I’ve always told M1 that I’m not here to replace her. I’m hoping that’s apparent now. I know it wasn’t back then. I just wanted a place too. I wanted to be loved & accepted by G & M1. I know not all SM’s are in that frame of mind but please don’t think we are all bad. M1 & I joke about my wart or my broom. We have that relationship now. The relationship now is night & day different than even a year ago. Court, lack of communication, & hate do a number on people & relationships. 3 court hearings, 3 states (almost 4), 2 weddings, 1 baby, infertility, and a number of emotions later, here we are. All of these things have impacted our lives more than you will ever know. In the end, it is what brought us together. I wouldn’t have B or G without M1. She is a blessing in her own way to me. More than she will ever know. If she hadn’t moved back to IN and brought G & B along, B & I wouldn’t have ever met. Had she never moved to AZ and had G, I wouldn’t have B or G in my life. See where I’m going with this? Yes people have been hurt but to me, the good outweigh the bad. I’d take the pain of those few years all over again over not having either of them in my life. So without M1, none of this would have been possible. For that I owe her everything. So why would I ever want to replace the woman that gave me something I myself am not able to create? That is where I stand with it. No, we may not agree on parenting styles or political views but what does that have to do with loving 1 little girl?? So here are my tips on getting along with the birth mother of your step child:

1)      Communication!!! This one is my number one. Just like with any relationship communication is key. Without it your trust goes out the window. Just as M1 stated, G tried to get away with a few things. She got away with it in the past. Not so much anymore.
2)      Trust. This is another big one. It comes with communication. You have to trust that the other parent is trying to do what they think is best for the child. Just because what you think is best is different than what they think is best, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
3)      Don’t be jealous. I’ve struggled with this one. Not because I‘m jealous of her life but because she has given life to such an amazing little girl. Maybe this is something only infertile people can relate to. I hate not being able to give B OR G a baby. I’ve come to terms with it now. The whole infertility thing is a monster on its own. I’ve talked to her about this as well. It’s not for everyone but being honest about it helps me.
4)      Be honest. Don’t lie or hide things. It just makes the others suspicious & not trust you. There’s no reason to lie or hide things (unless you are being abusive). Lying leads to all sorts of issues. Just don’t do it. K?

I’m sure there are more but I think we’ve both touched the basics for now. Everyone has different ways of dealing with them. Why deal with them alone? Why not handle them head on together? Wish this would have happened a long time ago. I’m thankful & happy it is now though. We now are friends on multiple social media pages, we co-parent so much better, we interact with each other’s families (most of them), etc. Life is getting better is what I’m trying to get at. Now if the boys could get on similar pages. We all know they won’t be on the same because, well, girls get along better than guys. In due time hopefully. B has come a long way. He was wonderful this weekend with everything. Little awkwardness here & there but that’s to be expected, right? They rode an hour home together in the same truck & even talked about politics. Gasp! They survived, lol.

At the party this last weekend. #butfirstlemmetakeaselfie

From our "2 Mommies 1 Baby" photo shoot around Thanksgiving

Pretty much sums up the first few years of knowing each other.