Self-Motivation

I've noticed that out here in the boonies, without a schedule to make demands on our time, without accountability for certain actions...it takes your own decision, own self-driven accountability to do certain things. Today is Sunday. In most circumstances our family would be at church. But we are aware of what most of the churches around here are like. Not that they're bad, per se, but because of the nature of the area, most are far more traditional than we are okay with. There's nothing wrong with traditional, but we are just more casual than would be okay in a traditional church. And thanks to the blessings of the internet, our church in TX has podcasts of sermons, going all the way back to before we were regular attenders. But this is important to me, that we have some sort of spiritual nourishment. And so here we sit, listening to the sermon that convinced us that our church in TX was the church for us. And what timing; a sermon on worry. We remember listening to this sermon all those years ago; we knew God was speaking to us because at the time, we were worried about court over G. In later years, Husband and I both were involved in the worship team. We made friends in that church that we still have. That church brought us through some of the toughest moments in our life. They watched J grow up, because he was born shortly after we started attending regularly. They gave us a baby shower and even a farewell party. Without that church, and people to ask after us, ask why we're not there, it can be very hard to make oneself devote to something like that. "I must do this, not because someone else is expecting me to do this, but because it's good for me, because God desires this of me, and because He demanded it of me." Will someone confront me for not spending time with Him every week? It's possible, of course, but in the end, it's not those people that say something to me that are suffering if I don't. It's me. God doesn't need me. But I need Him, and so for my sake it's important that I take time out of every DAY for Him.

Spiritual needs are easier, physically, to neglect than chores, or personal needs. If I don't clean the camper, Husband will eventually be exasperated and get after me to clean it. J won't have room to play. If I don't cook, how does my family eat? But if I don't sit and spend time with God, Husband doesn't necessarily suffer for that, not immediately. Over time, if I don't exhibit the fruit of the Spirit, my son will suffer, my husband will suffer. Everyone who has to deal with me will suffer. It is the grace and mercy of God that makes me bearable to deal with, and trust me, there's a LOT of work to be done.